i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
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I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
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We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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