I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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