the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
