My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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