in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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