i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
