cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
