getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
