i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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