I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
