Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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