Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
