I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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