Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
