Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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