I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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