you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
