Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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