someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize