Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
