Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
