The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
