So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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