I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
