Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
