he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
