also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
