I think im going to throw up on grandma
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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