the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
