Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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