She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
