I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
