If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize