She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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