dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
