I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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