____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
