yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
