Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
