The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
