I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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