therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
