The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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