u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
