I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
