Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize