my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
