it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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