I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We're too hungover to prance.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
