The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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