mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
