the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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