We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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