We're facebook friends in real life
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
