Whoa Z and x make the same sound
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
