Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
