when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
