My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
