i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
