theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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