I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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