OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
