I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
