Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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