The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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