I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
