Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
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Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
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I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.