my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
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when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
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I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?