We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
