i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize