Where is the hickey?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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