I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
