The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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