come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Randomize
