I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the room spins SO much faster in panama
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
