ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
